I love lists.
I have some form of romantic obsession with them.
We had a big old white-board filled with places we wanted to visit.
We've been drawing up itineraries and lists of places we are going to go on our pit-stop tour of Japan.
So here is a quick up-date of what will be our hectic week travel plans (mainly concerning me and Cloudia, but I believe Michelle will be joining us for points too):
Tuesday:
Lunch time: Leaving ceremony
Afternoon: Leaving Party
Evening: 12 hour coach to Osaka 0_o
Wednesday:
Early Morning: Arrive in Osaka grumpy and shitty respectively.
Morning: sex-plore Osaka
Afternoon: go to Spa world (various onsen styles in one place plus swimming pool with slides for me :D)
Evening: check into hostel, see what night-life there is on offer.
Thursday:
Late Morning: check out of hostel.
Afternoon: go to aquarium :)
Evening: over-night coach to Tokyo 0_o
Friday:
Morning: Arrive at DISNEYLAND
Day: Go round DisneySea (after much discussion we think it looks better than Disneyland - bigger rides etc.)
Evening: Find hostel and see what's about nearby.
Saturday:
All day: Mystery tour - our plan involves going from Tokyo Tower to Harajuku and seeing what's on the way!
Sunday: undecided!
In conclusion: As you can see from this I am doing Japan in a whirlwind. I am coming home a month early for various reasons and so are doing an epic trip up the country and back down again.
x
Sunday 26 June 2011
Friday 24 June 2011
Dear Nana,
I know I'm meant to be in mourning for you right now. You will never know how sorry I am for not being able to. But I lost the person you were 4 years ago now and I think my grieving process started from that last time I saw you. Some instinct part of us may have recognised each other, but in reality we had no idea who the person was sat in front of us. And so I am so sorry I haven't cried bar the initial shock, but I am so far emotionally and physically removed I can't quite believe it's real.
I can't say anything as trite as 'I hope I will make you proud', because I have no idea what would do so. But I tell people that you raised me as a little girl, because the only few memories I seem to have kept from then are of you. So I'm sorry I can't cry and don't appear upset, I hope you understand I am thinking about you though and I am worrying about my mum, but I like to think you understand and know I am happy and that will make you proud.
This is what I want to update:
I am be in mourning but today served to reinforce the idea that Life is Beautiful. It's 32 degrees out here and today I actually had a paid job. Yes! I had a paid job in Japan. I can't describe how awesome that feels. I was judging a speech contest with a teacher and a nun (I love nuns by the way, all old nice people remind me of you and 'Nan'). But the best part was when I stood up to be introduced and over 500 people simultaneously went 'kawaii!' It was amazing and that all reminded me life was beautiful.
Tonight I'm going out drinking and dancing. I know that is not what I should be doing in the circumstances, but I don't think its an awful decision either. Life is for living and as there is nothing I can do at the moment I am going to keep having experiences I can tell you about.
I'm going to tell mum to send you some sweet-peas for me. If there not in season I will just ask her to give lots and lots of different wild flowers.
I love you Nana,
and thank you <3
I know I'm meant to be in mourning for you right now. You will never know how sorry I am for not being able to. But I lost the person you were 4 years ago now and I think my grieving process started from that last time I saw you. Some instinct part of us may have recognised each other, but in reality we had no idea who the person was sat in front of us. And so I am so sorry I haven't cried bar the initial shock, but I am so far emotionally and physically removed I can't quite believe it's real.
I can't say anything as trite as 'I hope I will make you proud', because I have no idea what would do so. But I tell people that you raised me as a little girl, because the only few memories I seem to have kept from then are of you. So I'm sorry I can't cry and don't appear upset, I hope you understand I am thinking about you though and I am worrying about my mum, but I like to think you understand and know I am happy and that will make you proud.
This is what I want to update:
I am be in mourning but today served to reinforce the idea that Life is Beautiful. It's 32 degrees out here and today I actually had a paid job. Yes! I had a paid job in Japan. I can't describe how awesome that feels. I was judging a speech contest with a teacher and a nun (I love nuns by the way, all old nice people remind me of you and 'Nan'). But the best part was when I stood up to be introduced and over 500 people simultaneously went 'kawaii!' It was amazing and that all reminded me life was beautiful.
Tonight I'm going out drinking and dancing. I know that is not what I should be doing in the circumstances, but I don't think its an awful decision either. Life is for living and as there is nothing I can do at the moment I am going to keep having experiences I can tell you about.
I'm going to tell mum to send you some sweet-peas for me. If there not in season I will just ask her to give lots and lots of different wild flowers.
I love you Nana,
and thank you <3
Sunday 24 April 2011
Jong: 23 April
What's the weather like there? Is it hot? I've never been to that side of the world so i'm curious. :D
24 April at 10:34
Well whether the weather be hot, or whether the weather be not....
Basically I'm fucking jealous because it seems England is in the midst of a heat wave and here is just...humid...
Basically we arrived in the middle of a week long heatwave (when it was pissing it down in england) but this was when we weren't allowed to show any arm (cultural fact: we were told japanesesys did not like arms on show. That's not true. Apparently they just have a starting date of the start of summer [July 1st!!!![ and that's when arm skin can go on show. Before then I shall melt.)
So now its kinda humid, it's sort of spat with rain for the last few days and it gets quite cold in the evenings (but i guess thats because we're so close to the sea here)
So in conclusion: The rainy season starts soon and then I will send you all hate mail if you continue with your lusheous weather.
Fuck you all.
With kindest regards,
Me.
xx
24 April at 10:34
Well whether the weather be hot, or whether the weather be not....
Basically I'm fucking jealous because it seems England is in the midst of a heat wave and here is just...humid...
Basically we arrived in the middle of a week long heatwave (when it was pissing it down in england) but this was when we weren't allowed to show any arm (cultural fact: we were told japanesesys did not like arms on show. That's not true. Apparently they just have a starting date of the start of summer [July 1st!!!![ and that's when arm skin can go on show. Before then I shall melt.)
So now its kinda humid, it's sort of spat with rain for the last few days and it gets quite cold in the evenings (but i guess thats because we're so close to the sea here)
So in conclusion: The rainy season starts soon and then I will send you all hate mail if you continue with your lusheous weather.
Fuck you all.
With kindest regards,
Me.
xx
Thursday 14 April 2011
Big Daddy 11 April at 08:55
11 April at 08:55
So here goes my massive message:
My English has become nightmare-ish as you can see from the roughness of the last message to you. By using Engrish (dumbed down English) for the last week, or however long, my brain has melted and now I find it difficult to write in proper sentences. But I think I'm getting back to normal now :)
I like hearing that your bored at home because that's normal. And there ain't a whole lot of normal here. So I want you to row with your parents for me, see your friends and eat some good old fashioned English pub food. Because those are the sort of things I suppose you take for granted normally and I'm starting to miss them out here (excluding arguing with parents).
You boys and your doing of essays! Although I'm going to have to be a good girl while I'm out here I suggest you take a day off somewhen and do something silly and fun. GO TO THE PARK. I don't want your brain to melt too! (The workload is REDONKULOUS out her. Seriously. Twice what you are doing in Winch because of the fucking TEFL. But then I keep mantra-ing: 'this is good for me, I can learn to do essays in advance, not the night before, this is good for me'. Which is so far working. The Japanese have a brilliant serious work ethic and I'm pretty sure my host family would make me do work if I was reluctant. But atm I'm wanting to do it myself so it's done, so YAY! I is learning a normal people skill :)
ANYWAY THE DRAMA THAT IS ME:
I'm not sure where to begin... Firstly I will give you places to google image search because that is easiest. So search Nara and Kyoto. Now look how beautiful they fucking are. That is that simple. I didn't go to everywhere shown in Kyoto obviously but I saw the golden temple, I saw a room with 1000 life-size statues and I prayed at a shrine fr a good marriage and a good husband. The tourist attractions are amazing for a reason. They are fucking beautiful. My host family are amazing and took me there. I call them my J-Fam (like J-pop). Legends.
Apparently they are rich but I don't think so. They seem pretty normal to me. I live on a house with 2 floors but upstairs is the living quarters, because they run there own business, so downstairs is just a big office room. I have my own room wuth a western-style bed but the parents and Hisako (older sister, Noriko is the younger one: 15. Can be moody but you know, she's 15) have roll up futon things. They have a dog who lives outside (:( and they don't have a garden :() called Lucky who is a yappy terrier thing, who I have the joy of living above. All I hear alot of the time is barking.... But in conclusion my j-fam is fab. The girls speak alot of English and the host mother is really expressive and speaks some good english too, enough normally to communicate. The father is quite a traditional man so I don't really talk to him much plus I don't think he speaks much English. In conclusion: I am lucky and love it.
University: You will be the first person who I've made this comparison to, so you better appreciate it. The man running the show is called XXX. Now I think he's creepy but everyone else thinks he's nice atm (you know when you know someone is going to an asshole somehow- well I think that) Anyway the reason I find him so creepy (other than the fact he stalked my facebook and then told me about looking at my pictures!!!) is that he has the exact voice used by Johnny Depp in Charlie and the Chocolate factory. It is creepy as sin. Fine in the film. Creepy in real life. Anywayyyyy Uni is going to be hard. I will leave it at that for now because I will moan at you for subsequent weeks about it :) Other than that it is a beautiful uni on 1 campus and is all girls. We live in a room called inspiringly 'the winchester room' where most of our lectures are and people pop up and try and make friends with us which is cute.
Homesick: Not really. I talk to my Mum every other day and I talk to Tez every night. If I don't think about it it's okay and where I have facebook and letters and things I've literally surrounded myself with a coccoon of you guys. I like hearing what you guys are doing because then it doesn't feel weird that I'm alone in doing this because your all off for Easter. So keep me updated :) And Even if I don't reply to peoples messages for awhile I check facebook every day, just to check everyones okay and stuff.
Anyway, longest message ever :)
Hope your having more fun and doing less work,
Love from Asia :)
xx
p.s. I put on a pikachu costume yesterday and sat in one of those Japanese photobooths. It was fucking awesome.
So here goes my massive message:
My English has become nightmare-ish as you can see from the roughness of the last message to you. By using Engrish (dumbed down English) for the last week, or however long, my brain has melted and now I find it difficult to write in proper sentences. But I think I'm getting back to normal now :)
I like hearing that your bored at home because that's normal. And there ain't a whole lot of normal here. So I want you to row with your parents for me, see your friends and eat some good old fashioned English pub food. Because those are the sort of things I suppose you take for granted normally and I'm starting to miss them out here (excluding arguing with parents).
You boys and your doing of essays! Although I'm going to have to be a good girl while I'm out here I suggest you take a day off somewhen and do something silly and fun. GO TO THE PARK. I don't want your brain to melt too! (The workload is REDONKULOUS out her. Seriously. Twice what you are doing in Winch because of the fucking TEFL. But then I keep mantra-ing: 'this is good for me, I can learn to do essays in advance, not the night before, this is good for me'. Which is so far working. The Japanese have a brilliant serious work ethic and I'm pretty sure my host family would make me do work if I was reluctant. But atm I'm wanting to do it myself so it's done, so YAY! I is learning a normal people skill :)
ANYWAY THE DRAMA THAT IS ME:
I'm not sure where to begin... Firstly I will give you places to google image search because that is easiest. So search Nara and Kyoto. Now look how beautiful they fucking are. That is that simple. I didn't go to everywhere shown in Kyoto obviously but I saw the golden temple, I saw a room with 1000 life-size statues and I prayed at a shrine fr a good marriage and a good husband. The tourist attractions are amazing for a reason. They are fucking beautiful. My host family are amazing and took me there. I call them my J-Fam (like J-pop). Legends.
Apparently they are rich but I don't think so. They seem pretty normal to me. I live on a house with 2 floors but upstairs is the living quarters, because they run there own business, so downstairs is just a big office room. I have my own room wuth a western-style bed but the parents and Hisako (older sister, Noriko is the younger one: 15. Can be moody but you know, she's 15) have roll up futon things. They have a dog who lives outside (:( and they don't have a garden :() called Lucky who is a yappy terrier thing, who I have the joy of living above. All I hear alot of the time is barking.... But in conclusion my j-fam is fab. The girls speak alot of English and the host mother is really expressive and speaks some good english too, enough normally to communicate. The father is quite a traditional man so I don't really talk to him much plus I don't think he speaks much English. In conclusion: I am lucky and love it.
University: You will be the first person who I've made this comparison to, so you better appreciate it. The man running the show is called XXX. Now I think he's creepy but everyone else thinks he's nice atm (you know when you know someone is going to an asshole somehow- well I think that) Anyway the reason I find him so creepy (other than the fact he stalked my facebook and then told me about looking at my pictures!!!) is that he has the exact voice used by Johnny Depp in Charlie and the Chocolate factory. It is creepy as sin. Fine in the film. Creepy in real life. Anywayyyyy Uni is going to be hard. I will leave it at that for now because I will moan at you for subsequent weeks about it :) Other than that it is a beautiful uni on 1 campus and is all girls. We live in a room called inspiringly 'the winchester room' where most of our lectures are and people pop up and try and make friends with us which is cute.
Homesick: Not really. I talk to my Mum every other day and I talk to Tez every night. If I don't think about it it's okay and where I have facebook and letters and things I've literally surrounded myself with a coccoon of you guys. I like hearing what you guys are doing because then it doesn't feel weird that I'm alone in doing this because your all off for Easter. So keep me updated :) And Even if I don't reply to peoples messages for awhile I check facebook every day, just to check everyones okay and stuff.
Anyway, longest message ever :)
Hope your having more fun and doing less work,
Love from Asia :)
xx
p.s. I put on a pikachu costume yesterday and sat in one of those Japanese photobooths. It was fucking awesome.
Big Daddy 04 April at 15:37
04 April at 15:37
Sorry quick email cos its 11.30 pm and should be sleeping cos its opening ceremony tomorrow ( yea that makes me sound like I am the Olympic games...) It's easiest to skype me atm, cos my scheledule is shifting, my timetable starts officially from monday but atm I'm all over the place :)
Ahh sorry late and had a busy day today (trying to buy a cell phone in japan is fucking hard even with a translator...)
anyway be good and safe :)
xx
Sorry quick email cos its 11.30 pm and should be sleeping cos its opening ceremony tomorrow ( yea that makes me sound like I am the Olympic games...) It's easiest to skype me atm, cos my scheledule is shifting, my timetable starts officially from monday but atm I'm all over the place :)
Ahh sorry late and had a busy day today (trying to buy a cell phone in japan is fucking hard even with a translator...)
anyway be good and safe :)
xx
For Millie 09 April at 06:59
09 April at 06:59
Oh shush you, you write long messages so it takes awhile to have enough time to reply okay?!?! Right...
So the other wweekend we took the bullet train to Kyoto (2 and a half hours away on the train: look at a map: thats far away so they are stupidly fast) and went to various world heritage awesome buildings and shrines whilst we were there. And we went to Nara which was awesome (deer place)annnnd we went and prayed at a shrine for good marriage and a good husband haha. So Tez wins. haha.
It was all stupidly beautiful. But Japan is a headfuck. At night it is beautiful and how you picture it. During the day. Its not how you imagine it. Before i went I thought of it as two side of a coin: industrial and skyscrapers and modern and also old fhasioned and beautiful. Which it is. But there is also the rim of coin. Where it meets. Nothing fits perfectly together. Its a weird inbetween place of modern and old and cvlean and grey coloured and friendly and confusing. Its weird.
Oh and on that weekend we went to Gion whcih has always been one of my dreams and I saw a geisha and apprecntie geisha. It was frreaking sweet. They run really fast though....
My stomach is crying. Right now i have a rash from my stomach to the base of my neck. I'm not scared to ask my host family about it but its pissing me off. I think is an allergy thing and it could be anything so im not saying anything. So I think that was something i ate last night. Last night we went to a restaurant where there were fish pools in the middle eughhhhh....luckily i had already eaten. My family literally love to eat. Favourite hobby: eating. So im eating everything and getting fat. But my family are leaning what i likeand im trying not to think about what im eating. But still of this moment, vegetarianism will be a life choice when im back.
My family are amazing. I call them my J-fam (after japanese pop music: j-pop) They are lovely and look after me and the 2 daughters speak more than enough english to translate stuff fr me. But they talk japanese alot which is cool and hopefully i will learn it through osmosis.
I'm starting to observe lesons this week so will start the week after/end of this week. Its going to be fucking hard. So fucking hard. I worked with a group yesterday at this ''fun activity'', 2 girls spoke barely any english to me yet they are doing a degree in it. It is going to kill me. On the plus side we've made friends with osme 4th year girls who are semi-fluent and are awesome and helpful :)
I'm glad the meeting with that guy went okay. You should of had sex with him though.
GET SKYPE. I talk to Tez every night (i don't know why: i don't like him really) and my mum on it like very other day. so i want house skype chats after your easter break.
Anyway sorry fr spasmodic message. Brain to writing ratio has sunk into Engrish mode (this is what japanese girls speak when they arent fluent in english: engrish) I think in complete sentences now and say anything with an L in it as an R. Eughh
MUCHO LOVE. HAI TO POPPY-FERRRRRRRR
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Oh shush you, you write long messages so it takes awhile to have enough time to reply okay?!?! Right...
So the other wweekend we took the bullet train to Kyoto (2 and a half hours away on the train: look at a map: thats far away so they are stupidly fast) and went to various world heritage awesome buildings and shrines whilst we were there. And we went to Nara which was awesome (deer place)annnnd we went and prayed at a shrine for good marriage and a good husband haha. So Tez wins. haha.
It was all stupidly beautiful. But Japan is a headfuck. At night it is beautiful and how you picture it. During the day. Its not how you imagine it. Before i went I thought of it as two side of a coin: industrial and skyscrapers and modern and also old fhasioned and beautiful. Which it is. But there is also the rim of coin. Where it meets. Nothing fits perfectly together. Its a weird inbetween place of modern and old and cvlean and grey coloured and friendly and confusing. Its weird.
Oh and on that weekend we went to Gion whcih has always been one of my dreams and I saw a geisha and apprecntie geisha. It was frreaking sweet. They run really fast though....
My stomach is crying. Right now i have a rash from my stomach to the base of my neck. I'm not scared to ask my host family about it but its pissing me off. I think is an allergy thing and it could be anything so im not saying anything. So I think that was something i ate last night. Last night we went to a restaurant where there were fish pools in the middle eughhhhh....luckily i had already eaten. My family literally love to eat. Favourite hobby: eating. So im eating everything and getting fat. But my family are leaning what i likeand im trying not to think about what im eating. But still of this moment, vegetarianism will be a life choice when im back.
My family are amazing. I call them my J-fam (after japanese pop music: j-pop) They are lovely and look after me and the 2 daughters speak more than enough english to translate stuff fr me. But they talk japanese alot which is cool and hopefully i will learn it through osmosis.
I'm starting to observe lesons this week so will start the week after/end of this week. Its going to be fucking hard. So fucking hard. I worked with a group yesterday at this ''fun activity'', 2 girls spoke barely any english to me yet they are doing a degree in it. It is going to kill me. On the plus side we've made friends with osme 4th year girls who are semi-fluent and are awesome and helpful :)
I'm glad the meeting with that guy went okay. You should of had sex with him though.
GET SKYPE. I talk to Tez every night (i don't know why: i don't like him really) and my mum on it like very other day. so i want house skype chats after your easter break.
Anyway sorry fr spasmodic message. Brain to writing ratio has sunk into Engrish mode (this is what japanese girls speak when they arent fluent in english: engrish) I think in complete sentences now and say anything with an L in it as an R. Eughh
MUCHO LOVE. HAI TO POPPY-FERRRRRRRR
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Millie
01 April at 01:45
I love you, I will write soon, trying to not go on computer too much atm so my host family don't think I'm rude.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
s 01 April at 04:39
oh and get skype and add me!!!
01 April at 04:39
Whale does not taste bad nor nice, just chewy....
01 April at 14:21
Right Silly Old Willy,
Whale doesn't taste bad or nice. It was just really chewy, Liek obviously I'm not clued up on raw fish but I just ate it and took it on face value cos my host family put abit on my plate (it was just on top of sushi) he next day they told me because I think they thought I would over react at the time but I just said 'ha cool'. I mean its not like I would go out my way to eat whale or would want to. But I have so meh. I got more freaked out swallowing the live fish. That was gross. and didn't taste but you could psychologically feel it wriggling afterwards eughhh.
I'm eating everything they put infront of me. My stomach is killing itself and I'm going away with the faily for the weekend and staying in the same room as the 2 daughters. They will have to put up with my stomach either making angry rumbling noises or the delicious smell of my poop if and when I do so :)
haha gross...
And atm I'm happy: everything is new for me so you know its just weird but in a good way. And I'm not missing anyone yet (no offence) but you know it would be worse if I thought about missing poeople, wheras at the moment I'm more concentrating on everything else...
love you
xxxxxxxxx
I love you, I will write soon, trying to not go on computer too much atm so my host family don't think I'm rude.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
s 01 April at 04:39
oh and get skype and add me!!!
01 April at 04:39
Whale does not taste bad nor nice, just chewy....
01 April at 14:21
Right Silly Old Willy,
Whale doesn't taste bad or nice. It was just really chewy, Liek obviously I'm not clued up on raw fish but I just ate it and took it on face value cos my host family put abit on my plate (it was just on top of sushi) he next day they told me because I think they thought I would over react at the time but I just said 'ha cool'. I mean its not like I would go out my way to eat whale or would want to. But I have so meh. I got more freaked out swallowing the live fish. That was gross. and didn't taste but you could psychologically feel it wriggling afterwards eughhh.
I'm eating everything they put infront of me. My stomach is killing itself and I'm going away with the faily for the weekend and staying in the same room as the 2 daughters. They will have to put up with my stomach either making angry rumbling noises or the delicious smell of my poop if and when I do so :)
haha gross...
And atm I'm happy: everything is new for me so you know its just weird but in a good way. And I'm not missing anyone yet (no offence) but you know it would be worse if I thought about missing poeople, wheras at the moment I'm more concentrating on everything else...
love you
xxxxxxxxx
Millie: 30 March at 01:17
30 March at 01:17
I'm in Hong Kong waiting for my transfer, will write properly soon but me and Shell have just comandeered some free computers. We are unsure if our bags will arrive with us in Japan because we are retarded and don't know how to follow instructions :)
So yes you with your optimism! I astill have 3 hour flight and a 3 hour wait here.....
I love you, I will have to write properly later seeing as you mainly asked about a country I haven't seen yet.\
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I'm in Hong Kong waiting for my transfer, will write properly soon but me and Shell have just comandeered some free computers. We are unsure if our bags will arrive with us in Japan because we are retarded and don't know how to follow instructions :)
So yes you with your optimism! I astill have 3 hour flight and a 3 hour wait here.....
I love you, I will have to write properly later seeing as you mainly asked about a country I haven't seen yet.\
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
New Approach
So I've been in Japan 2 weeks. There is no feasible way for me to write properly, I'm much too busy. So I've got permission to post responses to peoples letters on here! They are slightly edited so they remain about Japan and don't include personal infrmation. So here goes:
Sunday 27 March 2011
Five and a half.
C,
I look back on here and can literally see my last 4 weeks. Seeing as I have not posted a blog in that time (at least) I do apologise to those of you who want to hear more of the practicalities in going to Japan. I have several draft copies on here of things I was going to write about (getting the Visa and so forth) which hopefully I will backdate when I am free.
So. I'm going to Japan tomorrow.
Fuck.
Maybe I should exaplin the last couple of weeks...
Two very literal tsunamis happened.
One rocked the coast of Japan.
This tsunami was a suspension for those of us waiting to go. The juggler had all his balls in the air. And we didn't know if they would keep going up or crash back down to Earth. The university kept us informed, but statements were being sent back and forth about whether we should go, whether we wanted to drop out and whether we could still pass second year without going. This suspension is still going on now. A further tsunami warning has been issued. This may fizzle out off the Richter scale of peoples lives. But it may crash down on that beaten coast line again, and we do not want to be a strain on resources. However, luckily for us, the university we are going to is quite far south. And although the damage done to the country will effect my travelling plans for after the course, I'm just thankful I can still go.
The other Tsunami:
Tez who unexpectedly came crashing into my life.
I suppose you could call it a whirlwind romance. Except it wasn't that much of a whirlwind or a romance.
I can write this sudden relationship as a series of bullet points. I shall call it:
'A Relationship on Fast Forward'
Silent disco.
Me: drunk.
Tez drunk.
I flirted with Tez over bar.
I kissed Tez over bar.
*Couple of hours later*
Bumped into each other by the bar.
(And this is where it gets hazy)
'You want to make out now?'
'Okay'
And thus a relationship was formed.
Okay it didn't quite happen like that :)
But the point is we sort of became immediately inseparable.
I don't know whether it is because we are emotionally self-destructive. Or genuinely liked each other. Or my loneliness got the better of me and I clung to the first person who gave me attention. But we got together and are staying that way for a little while (apparently :P).
So yeah.
That has been my life. Hedonistic. Happy. Loved. (ish)
I'm going to miss you guys.
always yours,
<3
I look back on here and can literally see my last 4 weeks. Seeing as I have not posted a blog in that time (at least) I do apologise to those of you who want to hear more of the practicalities in going to Japan. I have several draft copies on here of things I was going to write about (getting the Visa and so forth) which hopefully I will backdate when I am free.
So. I'm going to Japan tomorrow.
Fuck.
Maybe I should exaplin the last couple of weeks...
Two very literal tsunamis happened.
One rocked the coast of Japan.
This tsunami was a suspension for those of us waiting to go. The juggler had all his balls in the air. And we didn't know if they would keep going up or crash back down to Earth. The university kept us informed, but statements were being sent back and forth about whether we should go, whether we wanted to drop out and whether we could still pass second year without going. This suspension is still going on now. A further tsunami warning has been issued. This may fizzle out off the Richter scale of peoples lives. But it may crash down on that beaten coast line again, and we do not want to be a strain on resources. However, luckily for us, the university we are going to is quite far south. And although the damage done to the country will effect my travelling plans for after the course, I'm just thankful I can still go.
The other Tsunami:
Tez who unexpectedly came crashing into my life.
I suppose you could call it a whirlwind romance. Except it wasn't that much of a whirlwind or a romance.
I can write this sudden relationship as a series of bullet points. I shall call it:
'A Relationship on Fast Forward'
Silent disco.
Me: drunk.
Tez drunk.
I flirted with Tez over bar.
I kissed Tez over bar.
*Couple of hours later*
Bumped into each other by the bar.
(And this is where it gets hazy)
'You want to make out now?'
'Okay'
And thus a relationship was formed.
Okay it didn't quite happen like that :)
But the point is we sort of became immediately inseparable.
I don't know whether it is because we are emotionally self-destructive. Or genuinely liked each other. Or my loneliness got the better of me and I clung to the first person who gave me attention. But we got together and are staying that way for a little while (apparently :P).
So yeah.
That has been my life. Hedonistic. Happy. Loved. (ish)
I'm going to miss you guys.
always yours,
<3
Friday 25 February 2011
Five.
So since last week I've had a post in the works about nice normal things regarding Japan and excitement etc.
But I had a thought walking through a car-park, with my Mum earlier.
Which is weird considering the thought...
I'm not going to be having any sex for possibly 5 months.
Fuck.
(Or the lack of it.)
Or going to kiss anyone (I deeply assume this, being at a Christian girls university and what not, that there ain't going to be a lot of lip action for me).
What the heck am I going to do?!
As you readers, most probably know out there, I ain't having devastating amounts of intercourse... (That still makes me sound sexually rampant...ummm...)
And my kissing levels are only high when trashed.
But still this is highly traumatic!
So, in conclusion: either my 'Secret Santa' present is going to get hella use (:p) Or I would like to request someone to be my phone sex buddy.
(Reasons why I'm single: Number 6).
But I had a thought walking through a car-park, with my Mum earlier.
Which is weird considering the thought...
I'm not going to be having any sex for possibly 5 months.
Fuck.
(Or the lack of it.)
Or going to kiss anyone (I deeply assume this, being at a Christian girls university and what not, that there ain't going to be a lot of lip action for me).
What the heck am I going to do?!
As you readers, most probably know out there, I ain't having devastating amounts of intercourse... (That still makes me sound sexually rampant...ummm...)
And my kissing levels are only high when trashed.
But still this is highly traumatic!
So, in conclusion: either my 'Secret Santa' present is going to get hella use (:p) Or I would like to request someone to be my phone sex buddy.
(Reasons why I'm single: Number 6).
Thursday 17 February 2011
Four and a Half.
X,
Another trip to London occurred this week. My life comprises of trains. Commuting. Forwards. Backwards. Rarely sideways. But I like the tube. I like the rush. The rush of blood to your ears like a mini aeroplane 'pop'. When you slide down the steep escalator into the overtly synthetic light, into the warmth of other peoples air and the safe feeling of encasement. I like riding the tube alone. I like watching other people. Checking out what they are wearing. Especially shoes. I love seeing people’s shoes on the tube. Because you can look at those one pair of trodden down shoes and know something of what it is like to walk in their steps. It’s knowing a part of that person and how they want to present themselves to the outside world, from that one piece of footwear. Tubes and shoes. Movement and Life.
Every time I go to London I get a pathetic sense of achievement. I love the idea of doing something by myself, coping an entire day in a city in which I only know pockets of it. I hope that is what Japan is like (I say Japan as an entirety as I still don't know quite where I'm going etc. etc.). I can't wait to find pockets/ make my own pockets of knowledge there. There is a line in a film, or a book, where the character walks around the block, spreading their knowledge of the area. By doing this they make it their place. From that they can extend until they can make it an adventure. They make their journey an extension of home. That's how I make/want to make a place my own and 'safe' in my head. This is how I plan to make Japan a home for me, at least for a little while. Because, when you think about it, you always take the same routes. The quickest. The safest. The cleanest. But when you don't have a direction, that is often the best part. Sometimes you need a point of reference, a starting point, somewhere to recognise and begin and that's okay. I need to remind myself sometimes that it is okay to get lost in a small space and let the small space get bigger through wandering and experience. It doesn't make me any less brave to start with a small space.
It is all to do with bravery in my head, you see.
Maybe I'm making mountains out of molehills. But everyone is scared of something in the great unknown. Of a way of getting lost.
When I was 18 my Dad dropped me off in the middle of France on my own at 8am. I speak a minuscule amount of French. It was light. Through the streets it was a beautiful French carnival atmosphere of bustling body carnage. A marathon was being run through the streets on the edge of the city. A carboot, which sprawled over the entire town, over the river, overflowing into the suburbs, was on. Even that is an understatement of epic proportions of how all encompassing this market was (if you have ever been to a real flea market/carboot you will understand: On the same trip I walked alongside approximately 2 miles of carboot on one road. That road crossed the border between France and Belgium. I thought that was pretty cool). The streets were jammed, spreading out over this entire city were stalls, tarpaulin laid down on the ground and people were sifting through each other’s wares. There was the normative oddmix of peoples lifestyle leftovers, antiques and shops which had extended onto the pavement, their faded trinkets screaming to be brought. Spread out over an entire city, inhabitants, people, moving bodies. Don't think of Winchester. Don't think of Chichester. Think of the town square as the reference point. The middle of the city. a town hall on one side, shops surrounding each other one, streets running off in all different directions from these. Streets begetting streets. Teaming in one direction were the ‘high street ‘shops. Every one of them seemed to be in the middle of a chaotic sale (Imagine if everything in primark was half price and I had £100. Enough said). I literally struggled in and out of shops, my elbow crowd control skills coming into their own. I cajoled and left.
And then I wandered.
(Whenever I hear that word ('wandered') I think of the phrase 'not all who wander are lost'. That phrase always makes me feel horribly sad. It's a contradiction in my head, actually. Because, equally, it gives me great hope. That by wandering, I'll find something without searching.)
So, anyway, being the insignificant bug I was then, left on my own for 6 hours, in a town I could barely pronounce the name of, I called home. (That is a lie.) I texted the boy I was in love with. Because I was scared. And the cold sun was chilling me to sit on a bench in the shadow of a cathedral. And I wrote the poetry of how I was feeling. Alone but part of something so much greater. Hope. I wanted to share it with someone. I have this urge to do things/share things because I never get excited for anything. (I’m not excited for Japan. I'm too used to being let down. If you don't get excited, you don't get upset when it doesn't work out. That's what I pretend anyway. So whenever someone offers to come visit me in Japan I get so hopeful and so sad because I know it won't come to pass [hold on to your kite]). So in conclusion: I’m scared. But I know I will be okay. Because I can do this.
yours always.
Another trip to London occurred this week. My life comprises of trains. Commuting. Forwards. Backwards. Rarely sideways. But I like the tube. I like the rush. The rush of blood to your ears like a mini aeroplane 'pop'. When you slide down the steep escalator into the overtly synthetic light, into the warmth of other peoples air and the safe feeling of encasement. I like riding the tube alone. I like watching other people. Checking out what they are wearing. Especially shoes. I love seeing people’s shoes on the tube. Because you can look at those one pair of trodden down shoes and know something of what it is like to walk in their steps. It’s knowing a part of that person and how they want to present themselves to the outside world, from that one piece of footwear. Tubes and shoes. Movement and Life.
Every time I go to London I get a pathetic sense of achievement. I love the idea of doing something by myself, coping an entire day in a city in which I only know pockets of it. I hope that is what Japan is like (I say Japan as an entirety as I still don't know quite where I'm going etc. etc.). I can't wait to find pockets/ make my own pockets of knowledge there. There is a line in a film, or a book, where the character walks around the block, spreading their knowledge of the area. By doing this they make it their place. From that they can extend until they can make it an adventure. They make their journey an extension of home. That's how I make/want to make a place my own and 'safe' in my head. This is how I plan to make Japan a home for me, at least for a little while. Because, when you think about it, you always take the same routes. The quickest. The safest. The cleanest. But when you don't have a direction, that is often the best part. Sometimes you need a point of reference, a starting point, somewhere to recognise and begin and that's okay. I need to remind myself sometimes that it is okay to get lost in a small space and let the small space get bigger through wandering and experience. It doesn't make me any less brave to start with a small space.
It is all to do with bravery in my head, you see.
Maybe I'm making mountains out of molehills. But everyone is scared of something in the great unknown. Of a way of getting lost.
When I was 18 my Dad dropped me off in the middle of France on my own at 8am. I speak a minuscule amount of French. It was light. Through the streets it was a beautiful French carnival atmosphere of bustling body carnage. A marathon was being run through the streets on the edge of the city. A carboot, which sprawled over the entire town, over the river, overflowing into the suburbs, was on. Even that is an understatement of epic proportions of how all encompassing this market was (if you have ever been to a real flea market/carboot you will understand: On the same trip I walked alongside approximately 2 miles of carboot on one road. That road crossed the border between France and Belgium. I thought that was pretty cool). The streets were jammed, spreading out over this entire city were stalls, tarpaulin laid down on the ground and people were sifting through each other’s wares. There was the normative oddmix of peoples lifestyle leftovers, antiques and shops which had extended onto the pavement, their faded trinkets screaming to be brought. Spread out over an entire city, inhabitants, people, moving bodies. Don't think of Winchester. Don't think of Chichester. Think of the town square as the reference point. The middle of the city. a town hall on one side, shops surrounding each other one, streets running off in all different directions from these. Streets begetting streets. Teaming in one direction were the ‘high street ‘shops. Every one of them seemed to be in the middle of a chaotic sale (Imagine if everything in primark was half price and I had £100. Enough said). I literally struggled in and out of shops, my elbow crowd control skills coming into their own. I cajoled and left.
And then I wandered.
(Whenever I hear that word ('wandered') I think of the phrase 'not all who wander are lost'. That phrase always makes me feel horribly sad. It's a contradiction in my head, actually. Because, equally, it gives me great hope. That by wandering, I'll find something without searching.)
So, anyway, being the insignificant bug I was then, left on my own for 6 hours, in a town I could barely pronounce the name of, I called home. (That is a lie.) I texted the boy I was in love with. Because I was scared. And the cold sun was chilling me to sit on a bench in the shadow of a cathedral. And I wrote the poetry of how I was feeling. Alone but part of something so much greater. Hope. I wanted to share it with someone. I have this urge to do things/share things because I never get excited for anything. (I’m not excited for Japan. I'm too used to being let down. If you don't get excited, you don't get upset when it doesn't work out. That's what I pretend anyway. So whenever someone offers to come visit me in Japan I get so hopeful and so sad because I know it won't come to pass [hold on to your kite]). So in conclusion: I’m scared. But I know I will be okay. Because I can do this.
yours always.
Monday 7 February 2011
Four.
Jingle-Bell-Rock,
This will be the third time I try and write this post. The first I deleted. The second I have saved in front of me. The third is going to be a combination of the first two attempts.
Normally writing comes easy. I think it's because I can write how I am actually feeling/thinking. But that may be the problem, in the fact, I don't know how much to censor and how much to reveal.
I mentioned last time that there are sad pieces in my head. They come, they go. And I think the posts will reflect that.
I am already being left behind. I see jokes I'm not part of. Events I'm not invited to. So I push people away because I am afraid of being left behind. I jump before I'm pushed.
And I'm not waving, I'm drowning.
(Regina Spektor: Eet.)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reality: So it has all been go in regards to Japan: Certificate of Eligibility through and the other thing I needed (yeah I've forgotten what it's called, but the important thing is I have it!). So this week entails a visit to the Japanese embassy in Laaannnndaaaan to do final visa things which means I can FINALLY book my flights. Which means by next week I need to have a plan of when I go, when I come back and where I'm going between those two 'whens'. Wank. :)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So un-suprisingly I have not even touched the topic I wanted to cover in this post. So I believe you will get a 4.5 in the next couple of days which will go into the London journey I just came back from and how that relates to coping in Japan :)
yours.
This will be the third time I try and write this post. The first I deleted. The second I have saved in front of me. The third is going to be a combination of the first two attempts.
Normally writing comes easy. I think it's because I can write how I am actually feeling/thinking. But that may be the problem, in the fact, I don't know how much to censor and how much to reveal.
I mentioned last time that there are sad pieces in my head. They come, they go. And I think the posts will reflect that.
I am already being left behind. I see jokes I'm not part of. Events I'm not invited to. So I push people away because I am afraid of being left behind. I jump before I'm pushed.
And I'm not waving, I'm drowning.
(Regina Spektor: Eet.)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reality: So it has all been go in regards to Japan: Certificate of Eligibility through and the other thing I needed (yeah I've forgotten what it's called, but the important thing is I have it!). So this week entails a visit to the Japanese embassy in Laaannnndaaaan to do final visa things which means I can FINALLY book my flights. Which means by next week I need to have a plan of when I go, when I come back and where I'm going between those two 'whens'. Wank. :)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So un-suprisingly I have not even touched the topic I wanted to cover in this post. So I believe you will get a 4.5 in the next couple of days which will go into the London journey I just came back from and how that relates to coping in Japan :)
yours.
Wednesday 26 January 2011
Three.
'Culture Shock'
Jong,
So as promised here is a little tiding over about my preparation (or lack of it) for Japan.
The meeting we had today was bizarre, vaguely hysterical and only semi-practical. Yes, I know these phrases promote more confusion than answers. Welcome to my world.
But the one thing which hit me today was Helens discussion on 'culture shock'. I've had some information from Japan regarding this before, so it surprised me that it was being reiterated in a meeting. But what I didn't get from the email was that it is a real phenomena and most likely will affect all of us at some point whilst we're there. So this post is an advance apology: if the messages/or the way I talk to you becomes 'Japan is sooo much better than everything in England' or 'Japan is shite' don't get annoyed at me, please. I'm trying to cope with something much bigger than I can handle, so please forgive me if I cause offence. It's like when you go to uni and you have the point when you really need/want to go home and you take it out on people you love. We've all been there, so give me your patience and love and I will say to myself 'I am grounded. I am humble. I am one with everything'.
(I know we aren't going for that long, but we will be there for at least 100 days. Imagine a 100 days with voices speaking in a language you can't understand. It would be like living without the colour purple. It's impossible to imagine living without it and makes you feel isolated because it has become only a memory to you. Everybody else can see purple in it's rich, darkened, majesty or it's calming lilac hue. But you are searching and can never find it. But eventually, one day, you are able to pick out the tiniest, whisper shade, of white purple in the azure sky. And you feel slightly safer. Because you're starting to understand. And that gives you hope.)
Basically, the concept of 'culture shock' doesn't surprise or scare me. The symptoms remind me of when I've had issues with the sad pieces in my head. So although I will never say I'm prepared, I'm ready to say 'Battle on', again.
(I suppose this requires some explanation about what I mean about the 'sad pieces in my head'. You won't get it though. I reveal things when I need to.)
(forever yours)
Jong,
So as promised here is a little tiding over about my preparation (or lack of it) for Japan.
The meeting we had today was bizarre, vaguely hysterical and only semi-practical. Yes, I know these phrases promote more confusion than answers. Welcome to my world.
But the one thing which hit me today was Helens discussion on 'culture shock'. I've had some information from Japan regarding this before, so it surprised me that it was being reiterated in a meeting. But what I didn't get from the email was that it is a real phenomena and most likely will affect all of us at some point whilst we're there. So this post is an advance apology: if the messages/or the way I talk to you becomes 'Japan is sooo much better than everything in England' or 'Japan is shite' don't get annoyed at me, please. I'm trying to cope with something much bigger than I can handle, so please forgive me if I cause offence. It's like when you go to uni and you have the point when you really need/want to go home and you take it out on people you love. We've all been there, so give me your patience and love and I will say to myself 'I am grounded. I am humble. I am one with everything'.
(I know we aren't going for that long, but we will be there for at least 100 days. Imagine a 100 days with voices speaking in a language you can't understand. It would be like living without the colour purple. It's impossible to imagine living without it and makes you feel isolated because it has become only a memory to you. Everybody else can see purple in it's rich, darkened, majesty or it's calming lilac hue. But you are searching and can never find it. But eventually, one day, you are able to pick out the tiniest, whisper shade, of white purple in the azure sky. And you feel slightly safer. Because you're starting to understand. And that gives you hope.)
Basically, the concept of 'culture shock' doesn't surprise or scare me. The symptoms remind me of when I've had issues with the sad pieces in my head. So although I will never say I'm prepared, I'm ready to say 'Battle on', again.
(I suppose this requires some explanation about what I mean about the 'sad pieces in my head'. You won't get it though. I reveal things when I need to.)
(forever yours)
Saturday 22 January 2011
Two.
Jing-Jang-Jong,
As you know it's the painful experience of exam/essay period, so the next update will either be a) after my next meeting on Wednesday or after the 31st when my exams are over. Hope these posts are okay so far :)
yours forever.
As you know it's the painful experience of exam/essay period, so the next update will either be a) after my next meeting on Wednesday or after the 31st when my exams are over. Hope these posts are okay so far :)
yours forever.
Friday 21 January 2011
One and a Half.
So that was the beginning.
Having barely referenced this (Brighton) was the catalyst, of realising that I'm going to miss so much whilst I'm away, it seems necessary to post this as well.
Saying that: I'm not going to focus on how much I will miss you all.
Because if I do, I will get scared.
(you will never know how much you guys mean to me.
I loved Thom (partly) because he gave me family.
I love you guys because you give me home.)
I've talked to several of you that I'm going to leave a box with 'pieces of me' in it. You'll understand better if you take something out of it. I'm going to leave it with my housemates out of ease. You'll get a facebook message, or a post on here, as soon as it's all sorted. All will be explained eventually :)
The box is done out of fear, let me reassure you. I am terrified of being forgotten.
But, boy, you gotta admit, I'm going to have an adventure.
Forever Yours
One.
This is for the Jing-Jang-Jong.
I'm not sure if the saying is 'Beginnings are easy, endings are hard'. Maybe that's true. Maybe it's only true when it comes to relationships. But the point is, this beginning is hard for me.
I'm starting off not at the beginning, because I don't know how to define it (When I'm boarding the plane? When I land in Japan? When I say goodbye?), but yesterday: 20/01/2011.
After meandering over the shingles and stones I plonked down on the 'glorious' Brighton sea front. Strewn about me were a couple of heavy bags, crammed with clothes and little presents for people. I sat and looked out to sea.
Bam!
Memory!
(Craig will understand this: I wrote to him before about these moments)
Something clicked.
It was about 4.30pm.
The sun was on its slow descent straight across the water.
It's horrible how beautifully clichéd this moment was.
There were silhouettes of this old couple standing at the waters edge. They may not have been together, they may not have been happy. But their image was one of pure closeness.
It reminded me of being happy.
It reminded me of being in love.
There was enough cloud cover so you could stare directly at the sun, I followed it with my eyes until the clouds shifted and it dazzled white light. The water shone. You could see the little rip-tides out at sea. And as I was sat between the beautiful (in its elegant gaudiness), working, living pier and the hollow shell of the old one, I felt my place. Being trapped between lives didn't matter because the sea was ahead. You could feel all the space you had to breathe, going on, for miles and miles out to sea. And the piers were comforting. I didn't have to choose between them, they were just next to me, a part of my living space.
Family's were trawling the sea front, beautiful in their shadowed anonymity of perfection.
I watched a little longer and finally got up and turned directly behind. Crossed the shingle, headed over the traffic islands and into town.
The moment had to end, so I let it do so in solitude.
Every time I go to Brighton, I joke I am returning to the home land. But that's how it feels.
I want to take you guys there.
I want you all to sit on the beach as the sun goes down. Sat in deckchairs, fish and chips in hand. And to laugh at how gay and poetic I want to be. But secretly we are all thinking how beautiful the moment is.
(Thanks to Bernie who sent the exact, right, text when this was happening.
We're sharing our places :)
Forever yours.
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